Purls O' Wisconsin

mood: okay

"i do not care about birthdays, i never remember birthdays or any of that suff, they are just another day, they mean nothng to me! You know this is how I am. I have never in my life forgotten your birthday!"

Allow me to translate this for those of you who do not speak crazymother:

"If it is my birthday, I care. A lot."

Instead of posting a facebook message, I bought a card. I like cards. I'm a card person, I like the personal touch of sending a borthday card. I didn't send it on time, I was debating sending it at all. My husband kept urging me to ignore it. I really thought about that. I thought about it too long and the card did not get mailed on Saturday. Then Sunday evening I started to feel sickly, Monday I was downright miserable with the nutmeg migraine, tuesday the pain was gone but the dizziness and icky feeling lingered. I could have called on the phone, but I won't lie: I didn't want to talk to her. I felt too siclkly to deal with drama and since my whole plan is to not engage her, I knew it would be pointless. She would find a crack in my wall and I would fight back and 1. I will never ever win and 2. it was her birthday.  

So I still had this card. I ran errands yesterday: post office to drop off a larger Etsy order that was insured, so I wanted a receipt for the time of mailing from the AWESOME Fred Johns Station post office where it is clean and smells nice and the people are NICE and HELPFUL and the patrons never smell like beer, or ass, or worse. Perhaps you thought these qualities were inherent in a postal outlet. Go hang out at the Hampton Post Office and then you,too, will sing the praises of the glory of the Fred Johns Station on Silver Spring and 91st. Mmmkay? I forgot to throw the card in my handbag. Then I ran to the market. I grocery shop all the time these days. Like at the real grocery store. I know. Just the small Sentry on Lisbon and 92nd, but it's still kind of a big goddamn deal for me and every time I go it's another bit of victory, it's another checkmark in the positive experience column. But don't let me get sidetracked....

I got home with my groceries, put them away and checked my email to see if Paypal has decided if a payment I got on Monday is legit or not so I can ship her stitchmarkers. They have not (which is a whole other pile of WTF) Then because it is to me like crack to, well..my sister...I hopped on facebook.
And after about 2 seconds of weeding through mafia wars and farmtown notices ( I don't play, but i get everyone's notices...) I realized my mom's crap was gone from the highlights sidebar.
Yep, she unfriended me. I guess it is because I did not make a big public to-do about her birthday? She did not give me a reason, and I'm not asking for one. And I noticed it hours after she did it rather than taking 7 days. I guess she thought she would fix my wagon and make me grovel for her attention and approval.

I went ahead and ran and dropped the card in the mail though, I jotted a note on the envelope about it being late since I was sick with a migraine since it was the truth. I see that's a mixed message since I feel much more relieved than hurt by her petty behavior. But I also know that it will come up at some point that I went out of my way to hurt her by ignoring her birthday (oh, i know! the crazy..it burrrrrns) and the truth was that I was just unwell.
But since this time it was her choice, I'm letting it lie and won't be adding her back in even on the off chance that she feels silly when she gets a card today or tomorrow and adds me back. I find it slightly amusing, in a weird way. I think it's just rich, really. She hasn't been able to get a rise out of me thus far  through either sending me private messages saying I should stop being mad at her "for my own sake" (holy WTF, batman?!) or posting things on my wall that have hidden meanings so I guess this was how she felt she could get her big dose of "Vitamin Victim" this week. I think it is more likely she will send the card back as return to sender if she is feeling this petty, but if she does, it's her choice. I only have to feel OK about my actions, and I feel ok about wishing her well even though it was late. Too late, I gues.

Oh and guess what made me sick? Probably a slice of cake my husband picked up for our anniversary on Sunday two days before her birthday. Did she acknowledge my anniversary in any way whatsoever? Of course not. See, she cracks me up.  I started reading this book last night called Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and um, yeah.... I'll be good enough. I only have to be good enough for me.  Also, I got a brand new chocolate brown hoodie from the UPS guy about 15 minutes ago. I love it. So I put it on right away, working on that not saving thing....:

So in internet terms I gues I am now dispwn3d.