Purls O' Wisconsin

Ok, maybe not becuae we really. need. some. rain. but could it maybe not be....4 inches in an afternoon?
Please?
Just a normal soaking rain?

We are under a t-storm warning now and I read on WISN that this ystem dumped 2-3 inches in 20 minutes in the western part of the state and my breakfast was ready to reappear. I have prepared as much as I possibly can, I have both pumps at the ready with their new wider sump pum style hoses, the basement window has been prised open while I was still calm enough to work it ever so delicately with a screwdriver instead of freaking out and hitting the glass with a hammer to get the hoses out once the water is comoing up from the floor.
I unplugged everything and did a check to make sure no clothing was on the baseent floor under the laundry chute. and i once again tested the water alarm.

and now I wait and hope the storm will go around us or at least not flood my basement again.
And iIhope John Malan shits his pants royally for showing weather footage from 20 years ago when County Stadium flooded  so badly. I thought I might be safe in late summer, but no, he had to dig that scary old shit up even when the forecast was nothing but sun and some showers ahead. Thanks for that. Really, asshole.  

I'm talking to you, refrigerator. WTF is your problem?! My milk is either turning into cottage cheese in the door or things like tonight I grab my fake plastic lemon out of there and turn it over in my hands about 5 times looking for the cap before I realize it's a real lemon. Just frozen like a freaking rock.
I thought I was grabbing a real lemon, but it was so rock hard I then thought "it must be the fake lemon!"
WTF am I to do with a frozen solid lemon?!

So let's pick a temperature....how about 38 degrees...and stick the hell with it, mmmkay?

Now back to my regularly scheduled flurry of crafty bitchness.

Seriously, does this shit happen to other people in this manner?

Ok, so my street is due to be ripped up. Yellow trucks have been showing up for a few months spray painting shit on the road and sidewalks and stuff. They already did some sewer work in April. Surveyors have been around, they put all those little flags down. And then the brats up the street went around and collected yellow flags. Nice.

So this morning it's ramped up, there is a flurry of activity. Sawing into the roads, jackhammers. I looked out ad there is a MAN digging a hole in my YARD.  Um, hi, no one ever said they would be digging in my damn YARD. but whatevs. If they resod what they dig up I will have one really nice patch of yard with no clover. Sweet.

I go to hop into the shower and have just pulled down my jammie pants  and the water is heating up when someone bangs on the door. I was going to ignore it, but then I thought since there is a guy in  a hardhat in a  knee deep hole over the gas line, mebbe I should answer even though I look like complete ass. What if they have hit a gas line and shit?

They wanted in to replace my gas meter and move it from the basement to the side of the house.

I said NO. I need some warning, man and I really would have appreciated a letter or a call or something like they always do (aside from the time there was some Russian fucker who climbed my house and put in a new electric meter at 7 in the morning without knocking first) but I will let them in on Monday sometimes after 8 am, but not today.
He was nice about it, because he really had no choice and he knows they were supposed to call me or something ahead of time. he is going to come back on Monday, and NOT BEFORE EIGHT AM for crap's sake. And furthermore, where are they planing to put the new meter because I would rather it not be on the front of the house! He had the good grace to look chagrined and i wanted to say "That's right Sparky, how happy would YOUR WIFE be to have some dude show up and want to just waltz in and rip some shit up? Yeah, that's what I thought."

And then I went to get in the shower and realized in my haste I had pulled my pajamas up over my tee-shirt all the way to right under my boobs. So I had on a lime green tee tucked into pale pink PJ pants pulled up over my belly to give me maximum camel toe and making me look 27 years pregnant. Topped off with a yellow and white cardigan that I was trying to hold over the tee since I had no bra on and have the kind of boobs that are well past any hope of being free range.  And I fell asleep in yesterday's makeup and when i got up this morning I had raked my dirty, hair spray crispy hair back into a cracked out ponytail since my plan was to clean up the kitchen, throw together a pasta salad for dinner tonight and then hop in the shower.

I looked like a complete nutter.
Goddammit.

I took the world's fastest shower and then slapped on the Bare Minerals and dried my hair just enough to make it look on purpose and then went out to retriee my garbage carts and show them I'm not a complete whackjob, and also to make sure they KNEW where shit was since they kids had swiped the yellow flags. he said he did but that they would be remapping it anyway. The guy asked if I knew what kids did it, yeah I do..see the house that looks like the surveyor left it? Yeah, they didn't fark with the flags in front of THEIR house, now did they?

I have a feeling this will be a long summer.